September the 1st fell on a Monday this year. Although it is a silly thing, I do like the 1st of the month to be on a Saturday or Monday, for some strange reason. Other than looking organised and neat, it sits comfortably in my brain. It is a silly whimsical thought, but this and other trivialities keep my brain thinking lightly as opposed to it's usual state of over thinking and overwork. This provides light relief to the massed musical thoughts that usually pervade my musical brain. In my childhood, the 1st was always a dreaded time as the start of term would always be close by. Then at university I revelled at the extra month of holiday, watching all the schoolchildren grumpily and reluctantly returning back to school whilst I lazily lived day and night in my bed. Now, being a self employed musician get no such pleasure as I get no holidays or sick leave or any break of any kind.
Sometimes I disparage at my career, overworking myself at times, losing sleep for work which is never permanent. Despite that, I love music, it speaks for my soul in times of darkness and is the only way I can express myself since spoken and written communication I find difficult and not adequate for what I am often trying to convey. Even so, if I don't work, I don't earn and money is a thing scarce in this industry unless you are at the very top. Despite this, I get by and cope - living within my means at all times yet enjoying life's pleasures such as cooking and enjoying music. One might say I am married to my job; being a bachelor in life is made almost bearable by the job which captivates me at every turn. Half the time however one thought pervades my being. Although I have music, I am alone. I have friends and family but I yearn for a someone more. My endless waiting for the one has not yet been fruitful and so I remain solitary and so very alone.