Sunday, the 7th of September, 2014

In direct contrast to the week before last, the past week has offered nothing other than rest, recuperation, time to clear up the house and compose some music from the relatively quiet abode of my study. My coffee consumption has fallen significantly this week as caffeine hasn't been needed for the mental and physical exertion I used the week prior to this. Au lieu, my daily intake of caffeine has been supplemented by multiple cups of tea over the 18 waking hours over the day. Added to this, alongside my increase in tea intake, the whimsical need for chocolate digestive biscuits has also risen triple-fold. On the first evening of the week I made a delicious vat of sausage casserole which lasted me a couple of days. Amongst my musical jobs, my hobby is cooking; although my diet waxes and wanes according to my work schedule, I always adore the luxurious smells and odours of the kitchen - from ever since I was a young boy. Every time I open packets of raw vegetables, meat, spices and herbs, my inner child once again comes out to play and I am submerged in a world of steam, heat, and at the end of it, a vast pot of food bubbling away on the gas stove.

September the 1st fell on a Monday this year. Although it is a silly thing, I do like the 1st of the month to be on a Saturday or Monday, for some strange reason. Other than looking organised and neat, it sits comfortably in my brain. It is a silly whimsical thought, but this and other trivialities keep my brain thinking lightly as opposed to it's usual state of over thinking and overwork. This provides light relief to the massed musical thoughts that usually pervade my musical brain. In my childhood, the 1st was always a dreaded time as the start of term would always be close by. Then at university I revelled at the extra month of holiday, watching all the schoolchildren grumpily and reluctantly returning back to school whilst I lazily lived day and night in my bed. Now, being a self employed musician get no such pleasure as I get no holidays or sick leave or any break of any kind.

Sometimes I disparage at my career, overworking myself at times, losing sleep for work which is never permanent. Despite that, I love music, it speaks for my soul in times of darkness and is the only way I can express myself since spoken and written communication I find difficult and not adequate for what I am often trying to convey. Even so, if I don't work, I don't earn and money is a thing scarce in this industry unless you are at the very top. Despite this, I get by and cope - living within my means at all times yet enjoying life's pleasures such as cooking and enjoying music. One might say I am married to my job; being a bachelor in life is made almost bearable by the job which captivates me at every turn. Half the time however one thought pervades my being. Although I have music, I am alone. I have friends and family but I yearn for a someone more. My endless waiting for the one has not yet been fruitful and so I remain solitary and so very alone.